decision

I don't want to die. The tumor doesn't want to die.

But I have a weapon that she doesn't .... radiation.

So I am at home all day watching recorded shows, And Salon Takeover, Tabatha Is an inspiration because she takes shit from no one, period.

The only reason I keep pluging along is that friends tell me I am strong and I can do it. Then there is candy and movies and the dogs.
things I have to live for: My husband Mike, sasha and Indy, family and friends, candy, Twilight series, Harry potter series, (not kidding it actually keeps me going) whatever works right?
This sux because I cannot have alcohol ever again. I have to be a teetotaler for the rest of life. seizure meds and alcohol cause seizures. I don't want to have a seizure again it hurts, I mean really really hurts. I just want to to be out of physical pain I want it to be at a 0 but that would mean I am dead right? It is not that bad I am in constantly in a level 2-3 pain. That is normal for me. so when someone asks me how much pain I am in, I say none bc a lvl 2-3 is NORMAL.

I don't cry in front of people. Just in front of my family.

Midday tv is ridiculous dumbth, stupid, and absolutely well mind numbing. This thing I do right now is the same thing I saw clients doing. Dept of Aging and Disability services they don't understand they comprehend and do their best but there are so many people taking advantage of the system they cannot screen them because The people who really want in will get in regardless.