Still all good!!!

So on June 24 I had my big profusion MRI for the year.  Profusion MRI is where they put an IV in so they can see what the contrast looks like as it goes in.  It would tell me if Snarla was even TRYING to wake up.
 I went to Dr. Fink later that day. She came in, asked me to spell world backwards, pressed on my legs to test my strength, and a couple other things.  By no means the full exam.  Then she said Your MRI looks fantastic.  My Husband let out a huge sigh of relief at which Dr. Finks eyes went wide and she said, "I'm SO sorry I didn't lead with that."  She's a funny lady.
I'm telling you one of these days the appt is going to consist of Dr. Fink poking her head in the door and saying, "You're all good.  you can go."

Everyone is congratulating me on the clean MRI.  I have begun to think it is no big deal because if something is wrong I will feel it developing.  But it is nice to know they care. I know I shouldn't take my health for granted, but I am taking care of myself and doing the best I can and what happens happens.  I have let go and let God.  He is the reason I am here today. I DON'T take that for granted.

Gaby and Candace at DANCEATON tell me I should turn this blog into a book.  I don't want to because there are so many other books about this subject out there that are so much more helpful.  Besides I don't want to go through the hassle of paying to publish this.

My birthday is on Saturday I can't believe I made it to 32.  When I was young I always thought I would die young and leave a good looking corpse.  Had Snarla not been discovered I would've accomplished that feat,  but alas as it turns out I didn't want to die.
Live Long and prosper people.
Till next time
Thats all I got
(hows that for a sign off?) ;)

Wow

I am so incredibly thrilled, honored, and humbled in this moment.  Why? You ask.  Well, I'll tell you.
On the way to lunch today I received a phone call from
Brittany Cordeiro

Publications Coordinator

Department of Neurosurgery 

MD Anderson Cancer Center

She asked me if I would be willing to be on the "Patient Panel" for the Together in Hope Conference Aug9-11.  She then went on to explain that it would be me and 3 other patients (survivors) give a 10 minute talk about their experience in their own words.  Then the floor will be open for questions.  There will be around 125 people there consisting of Patients, Caregivers, Doctors, Nurses and people that are generally interested in knowing more about the new treatments for brain cancer.  Then the Astros are playing the Rangers (baseball) and the game is going to be dedicated to brain cancer awareness.

     I asked her why me.  She said that my story is one of inspiration.  Again I don't think I am and inspiration.  I just did what ANYONE would do when faced with a potentially fatal disease.  I researched doctors, got 2nd and 3rd opinions, Threw out the possibility of the wait and see approach. I was terrified, absolutely gut wrenchingly TERRIFIED. The only reason that I got through it was God and Mike and the overwhelming support of my family, friends, and strangers. For all of whom I am deeply grateful.  

     My friend Paul said it would be an opportunity to get a job.  UMMMM love ya Paul but no.  This is not about me, I am there to help people in this situation figure out how to get through it with their sanity intact. Let them know They CAN DO IT.  (I love that line.) YOU CAN DO IT, YOU CAN DO IT, AND EVEN WHEN YOU THINK YOU CAN'T, REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE STRONG AND YOU CAN.  That is a direct quote from and email I once received.  

  So to all of the people with cancer out there I want you to remember that line.  It became my mantra when I felt like giving up.  Remember it is better to be on this side of the dirt.

Keep calm

Hello again faithful readers.  I suspect some of you have given up on me because I only post sporadically.
     Well there is not much to say except through the grace of God I am still in remission.  My next MRI is a big one.  The dreaded all day profusion MRI.  Mike and I are gonna make a day of it (its not like we have any other choice.)  I have faith it will be absolutely fine.  And if not, I will kick Snarla's dumbass out of my head a second time.
   Cancer survivors always have a twinge of fear when it comes to their specific cancer.  Mine for instance when I get a migraine I pray to God that she hasn't come back.  This is normal.  I used to want an MRI everytime I had a bad headache, after all that is how this whole debacle got started.
    A couple weeks ago I had an incredibly stressful weekend.  it was my husbands birthday and we were coupling it with another one of our friends from book club. (For those of you that are like BOOK CLUB??? I have met many new friends there)  Anyway I sent out the evite and said RSVP ASAP.  Then I called the restaurant and made the reservation for 20.  Upon walking in, there were 40-50 people there.  I balked.  I had to go ask the owner to give us more tables.  Then after a while of giving us over half the room he said, "the firemarshall will get mad with us if we put anymore people in here."  So some of our guests had to sit in a separate room.  Then there proceeded to be a screaming match about politics (lesson: stay away from politics and religion at all costs especially if one party is drunk off their you know what).
   The next day I went out with my friends.  Suffice it to say it was SOOOO not good. An infuriating situation ensued and then we went home.
Then Sunday, the most horrible migraine I have had since BEFORE the surgery hit.  I had to go lay down in the bedroom with a cold damp cloth over my eyes.  It felt like the right side of my head was literally going to explode.  Then my hand went numb and the numbness seeped up to my shoulder until I couldn't feel my arm.  When I told  Mike (who was laying next to me holding me) he said, "Move your right arm just a little. Try." Eventually I was able to shift my arm a little bit and he said, "See your arm is still there."  Then the nausea came.  I was like thank you God cause I am about to pass out.  I was convinced I was having a stroke.  Then I passed out and the Imitrex kicked in. I woke up 3 hours later and felt fine.
    My point is Don't let yourself get to stressed or you will freak out. Just tell yourself it is going to be fine, because 9 out of 10 time it will be.
Thats all I got.
Oh yeah  I almost forgot. I got this email today.  As you all know I have never done this before, but this seems cool.  I won't promote other sites bc this is supposed to be a helpful blog for survivors not an advertising site.  Do what you want with this site no pressure from here.
Make this the best Day EVER!!!!
  We have a site that caters to survivors. It allows them to store digital memories and then release them to their kids in the future. We are still in the “testing” phase and wanted to see if your readers would like to participate and get a complimentary membership.

They can visit www.kairoslife.com to register their email address.

>From there we will update them when we are ready to start testing the site. Please let me know if you have any questions.

Only good reviews... BEWARE

Ever wonder how and why those "great" companies get 0 negative reviews? Well here is the answer from experience.
     We took our dogs to All Dogs Unleashed to be trained while we went on the cruise.  However when we got back our dogs were trained alright, so trained they were petrified of the collars and therefore us.  We didn't like the fact that they said to repeatedly "stimulate them"  when they don't listen.  That means SHOCK them repeatedly and thus the reason why they were afraid of the collars.
So as a consumer I thought people should be warned about this place, so I gave them a blisteringly honest review.  I said they are sadistic and cruel and they are LIARS.  They sugarcoated the whole shock thing I actually asked, "Is this a shock collar?"  They replied, "No, it is a muscle stimulator do you want to feel what it does?"  So I put it around my neck and they "stimulated" on level 5.
     When we got back they had jacked it up to level 20 and when they shocked Sasha and Indy the dogs jumped and Sasha yelped.  I was PISSED.  The vibration works just as well.  In addition they put the collars on so tight it chokes our dogs.  The collars are EXTREMELY uncomfortable because they have 2 prongs that go around them and bore into their neck.  I tried to get Sashas more comfortable and tried to twist it to a more comfortable place on her neck.  She Yelped and jerked away.
   After I posted the review I got a call from the OWNER Scott  www.alldogsunleashed.com
and guilted me into taking it down I felt threatened so I took it down.  I thought all reviews were anonymous. So I was just trying to warn others.  So take care where you send you puppies.
http://alldogsunleashed.com/

Back into the jobforce

So I have been thinking about going back to work.  I want part-time and would rather the employers not know I have cancer.  However If anyone that I apply to is the least bit internet savvy they are going to find out and there is nothing I can do about that.
     If they don't want to hire me due to the fact that I have survived brain cancer then it is their loss.  Cancer has taught me how to and NOT to interact with people. Especially elders and it taught me how to be even more compassionate.  I wouldn't change a thing. I've had people tell me me different things about telling the employers that I had cancer.  My sister said disclose it and though it may cost me that particular job, I will know when I do get a job they will be flexible due to my "condition".  Pam said don't disclose it because they are going to want to know that I will stay with them and not waste their time and money.  In other words I will be a "good investment".
What do you think?  Would you disclose that you SURVIVED brain cancer and are tenacious enough and tough enough to withstand almost anything life throws at you?  Also I HAD to turn down a promotion from D.A.D.S. and that just makes me sick.  Now I am looking for something in community and social services all the way down to clerical and filing.
Your thoughts? 

Dancing tumors

My readers  know 2 things as an absolute truth about me.  1 I have cancer  2 I LOVE dancing.  That is why I miss Danceaton so much. 

     I went out last night with friends and to my delight we went to The Den, a dance club and lounge.  It was empty when we arrived so not caring what ANYONE thought, I let loose with my pent up dancing frustration.  The bartenders were laughing their butts off at me, but I didn't care.  I was having fun and they were getting free entertainment.  Anyone that has ever been to a club knows that the people come in and the dance floor is a ghost town until the drunks get there.  Well not last night.  One of my many theories is if I have fun that is great, but if I can have fun AND  provide entertainment for people; even better.  I am NEVER going to see any of them ever again and the ones that I will see again are my friends.  Any my point is Other peoples opinion of you doesn't change who you are or the situation that you are in.  If they want to judge, let them.  Be proud that they were paying attention.  Maybe they'll learn something.  There is no point in being embarrassed it is a useless emotion what is done is done. This little 20 something girl came up to me and challenged me to a dance off.  Of course I obliged.  Basically I dance at her.  She got embarrassed and took off.  It was entertaining to me.  Then these 2 guys came up and tried to dance with me.  I didn't want to be hindered so I danced away. 

   Anyway when we left I was DRENCHED in sweat and felt great.  DAMN I wish 24 would bring a cool dance class back.  I only go to swim now bc Turbo Kick and Body Pump are on such a regiment that the instructors have to play certain songs with certain sets and they don't have the rights to play the real songs such as Guns N Roses Sweet child of mine, This guy was howling and it didn't sound ANYTHING like Axl.  I don't blame the teachers at all.

     Every day people live their lives and some of them have such low self esteem.  Up until Snarla parked herself in my brain and challenged me for the right to live I had VERY LOW self esteem.  When I won the fight I the phrase, "you can only control how you act and react" suddenly made a whole heck of alot of sense.  When you get angry think of why you are getting angry, it is usually because you can't control the situation.  It is the same for most negative emotions.  I find the most powerful word is WHATEVER.  Whatever they want to do is what they are gonna do and how is feeling bad going to benefit  you?  Just let go and let God,  basically just float.  If the situation is bad you can just leave.  I learned that from an ex I had nowhere to go so I asked for help and got it.  That is what led me to Texas.  I credit him with forcing me to stand up for myself.

      We only have one life.  So get out there and LIVE like you're dying because no day is gauranteed.

Until next time...

Problems and seizures

So last night I randomly started slurring and losing my balance and I knew it was bad bc Mike freaked out and he NEVER freaks out.  So he called Fink and she thinks it may have been a minor seizure.  Therefore just to be safe I won't drive for the next couple days.
   I really need to go get my car detailed cause my dog Sasha vomited in it after we she ate a ball.  We took her the animal E.R. they did xrays and then induced vomiting.  They though she was done and let us take her.  Low and behold she held out on one last spew to do it in MY CAR.  So Mike told me to get it detailed yesterday and I was like, "Oh, I'll do it on Tuesday when I have to be out of the house and the dogs are at the Boarding Bungalow."  I was also planning on going to see my nephew Truitt on his birthday Tuesday.  Today I was going to get him a gift Power Ranger black box gear or something like that.

 DAMN STUPID SEIZURES.  Interrupting my life. But the person I feel the most for is my husband bc he is going to have to pick up the slack.  In addition to going to work he will have to go out of his way to take the pups on Tuesday unless I can finagle the boarding place to pick them up and drop them off.  Also the grocery shopping , dry cleaning and all the other stuff that I usually take off his plate.

Driving takes away your freedom.  You never realize how much you value your car until you aren't allowed to drive.  I cannot go to the gym.  I don't want to bother anyone bc my friends have given me enough rides.  They will hopefully move my MRI up and I hope it was just a fluke seizure because if it wasn't that means I am going to have to start fighting again.  Fighting makes me SOOOO tired.  Mike and I have decided No more surgery ever I don't want to do radiation I just want chemo if that what it takes.  But here I am putting the cart miles in front of the horse and the horse is having a hell of a time catching up.  Most likely it is nothing but better be safe than dead.