wish I were...

So granbetty died this am quietly. I felt a presence I shooed it away then mike told me the news. I of course cried. Then it came back and I knew it was Betty she and Grandaddy love me so much. I am honored that she came to me one of her husbands grandchildren shortly after she joined the spirit world. I wonder what that means. Mike offered me a valium and i said no. I wrote the family my regrets about not being able to attend the funeral it is in Trion Georgia. I look like dog poop. dark circles under my puffy eyes and I can't stop crying then crying turns to screaming and screaming doubles back and I start weeping. it is viscous cycle. I wanted mike to meet them grandaddy and betty. oh god now that she is gone he is sure to follow..soon. I have cancer and I cannot travel at all I want him to hold on until mike and I can travel. But that is selfish of me he is in absolute 10 on the pain scale 100% of the time. So really I wish he would just let go. Now that she is gone I bet he will let go. I knew this would happen not being able to go to the funeral(s). I love you Grandaddy!! I love you Betty!!! A bit late but she knew, I know she did.