Anniversaries

Anniversaries

They say you never forget the day someone told you those 3 words no one ever wants to hear.  I am here to tell you they are right.  I've been told it is perfectly normal to experience symptoms as your anniversary approaches, as well as around the time of your next MRI.  It is stressful. People will tell you it's nothing, but that doesn't ease the anxiety.  Because with any kind of cancer if you get an unexplained pain it triggers something in the back of your mind that thinks maybe this is it.  Its back.  I can't help it and I think it is normal.

Today I woke up feeling fine. I started feeling nauseous, but chocked it up to hunger.  Then I went to the store to get stuff for dinner.  People must have thought I was drunk because I couldn't walk it a straight line.  I was walking diagonally.  I got back in the car.  That is when I realized that I had a pain right behind my left eye.  It felt (for lack of a better description) like someone or something was trying to push my eye out of its socket.  I came home took some Imitrex laid down next to Mike.  He had to open the packet for me. Now I am sitting on the couch typing and my right shoulder and arm are simply EXHAUSTED.

I think this is all because my cancerversary (cancer anniversary) is in 1 month and 7 days.  But if the symptoms persist for a few days I will check with Fink.

No one has all the answers.  You have to find what works for you.

Hopefully my homicidal child (Snarla) is still asleep.  

6 years too late

Back in 2007 I was in college and as most college kids are I was flat broke.  So when I found a two story apt with a balcony for dirt cheap I immediately signed the lease.  Red flags

1. it was scheduled to be demolished.

2 there were cars on blocks

3(prolly the most important) it was in the ghetto.

So I walked in one day threw my keys on the table and they hit the floor. I looked up and it took a second, but then it dawned on me.  ALL my stuff was gone. My couch, my dining room tables and chairs, my clothes, my computer, all my paintings.  They were replaceable but they got 2 things that I cannot replace.  My deceased mothers diamond necklace, and a mirror that my Grandbetty gave me.

Needless to say I was livid, irate, furious, seeing red.  I totally lost it and kicked a hole in the wall. Yes little ol' me now property destroyer. Mike (my boyfriend at the time) was with me and he was levelheaded.  He told me not to touch anything and go sit outside while he called the cops. Well in instances of robbery the cops are basically useless.  So I lost all my stuff and had to start over.  I still get a twinge of anger when I think about the robbery.  I mean that is when I was asking why me.  I try to self soothe by telling myself it allowed me to get a fresh new start.  But that is a bunch of bull, I had moved there for a fresh start.

Today I woke up and it dawned on me.  The apt managers didn't bother to change the locks.  Probably because it was scheduled for demolision.  I blamed the management then sued and got nothing.

Word of warning for all you broke college kids out there and parents of kids in college. Whenever you move into any place before you sign the lease make SURE they changed the locks.  I don't want anyone else to go through what I went through.

 THANK GOD I wasn't there.

Everything happens for a reason!!

Now I KNOW my cancer was/is a blessing.  I have always wanted to help people in any way I can.  I have a lot and I mean a LOT of life experience.  However Snarla the Cancer seems to be the most helpful, ironically.

Now, I have volunteered with hospice before and subsequently was hired at D.A,D.S.(Department of Aging and Disability Services state of Texas). Then I was diagnosed cancer and now am going back to volunteer with MUCH more experience.

So THANK YOU GOD, Because not only did you give me the strength to survive Snarla, but you let her be a necessity of my life experience.  Father I feel called to do work with hospice.  Please let me not let you down.

My Talk at Together in Hope Conference

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8_7JdrjnJw&feature=youtube_gdata_player My Talk at Md Anderson Together in hope conference.

Weird, but funny

So today I was walking my dogs and I saw the weirdest/scariest thing.  A corgi being walked while his owner held the leash out his SUVS window. I hope you can see it.  Then the corgi started running and the man sped up.  I was terrified I was going to wind up seeing an owner run over his own dog.  WOW.

Then a couple days ago I was at the dog park and I saw a cat on a leash just chillaxin on the owners neck.  Seriously does she realize what danger she is putting her neck in.

So weird things have beeen happening to me.  At dinner I went to the restroom and in the middle of washing my hands I started to dry them.  Before that I took my toothbrush out of my mouth while it was still running.  I have a sonicare auto toothbrush. Then I was wearing my sunglasses and walked into the house, opened my glasses case, took m,y regular glasses and put my sunglasses back on and my regular glasses back in the case.. ROFL.  I hope Lil Miss Snarla is behaving herself and staying dormant.

In other news I went to orientation for Heart to Heart hospice on Saturday.  I used to volunteer there before I graduated college.  It is because of them that I got hired as a case worker for D.A.D.S.  (Dept. of Aging and Disabilty Services state of Texas)  This time I am taking my dog Indy with me as a therapy dog.

Thats all for now.  Tata.  Remember try to make this THE BEST DAY EVER.  Cause tomorrow is never promised.

Together in Hope

Together In hope

Mike and I went to the together in hope brain tumor conference this weekend.  I met people that inspired me to start this blog again.  I gave a speech to other people with different types of brain tumors.  Did you know there are 120 diff types of brain tumors??

When I was done, I looked at my notes and realized I forgot over 3/4 of it.  I hit all the important parts though.  However, I feel the need to say some of the things I forgot on here. 

Paul Fielding (a 6 time cancer survivor and my personal mentor) gave me the best advice on handling a tumor.  He said, Make friends with the tumor.  Give it a name, keep it close. You are going to be fighting for your life against it so it may as well have a name.  As most of you know I named mine Snarla bc she snarled across the top of my brain.

In addition to volunteering and painting, I took solace in music.  Mike just looked at me like I was nuts when we would get in the car to go to some treatment and I would blare the radio and car dance. 

After I figured out NOT to put my fingers in the skillet, (yes I really did that) I started to cook and found it soothed me.  

We met some A M A Z I N G people. Allison Allison (yes that is her real name).  Her story is why I write this blog.  She is so strong, she has a husband and a children that LOVE her to pieces.  Roslyn Franken, the motivational speaker and author. On the morning of my talk I was sitting by myself eating breakfast and she asked if she could join me.  Just her being there calmed me down and allowed me to gather my thoughts. 

Things that inspired me to fight