If you haven't been through the trauma of cancer you just do not understand where we are coming from. You can sympathize and feel sorry for us, but there is no way you can empathize with us. We as cancer survivors have come to grips with our own mortality. That is a very scary thing to do. But scarier still are the fears of recurrence. For me the main fear is that I will have a seizure and be home bound for 6 months again. That is on par with my fears of recurrence.
Being able to listen to what your body is trying to tell you will save your life. Don't worry if others call you a hypochondriac. My immediate family always told me I was a hypochondriac, then when I was diagnosed they said good thing it happened to you because we would have just thought nothing of it. Apparently they did not realize and to this day don't understand how painful it was. The tumor was ruining my life, my job, my love for my husband. Until it was taken out I felt apathetic about everything including my own wedding. I knew that was not right. A person should be happy about getting married. I had feelings about my wedding and I knew that I loved Michael with all my heart, but the fact that in a few weeks I felt apathetic about the wedding, well that's when I knew something was desperately wrong.
I know, I know, you have heard this story before but it is therapeutic to talk about it. It is so important to KNOW that some other human hears you and your story. Even if they get really sick of hearing it the patient needs to talk about their trauma. Cancer is trauma. Massive life altering trauma.
When I started to vomit at work my boss told me to go home. This happened multiple times until I was sure that I was going to be fired for faking it. I wasn't listening to my body. I would get a splitting headache in the morning, go to work, vomit, get sent home but, once at home I would feel better. (I later learned the headaches are usually worse in the morning and taper off through the day.) I went to training for my job and was in so much pain I could no longer hide it from people. Pat, the trainer saw that I was in horrendous pain and about to cry that she just excused and let me go home. I spoke to my boss because she got migraines as well so she advised me to ask for a certain drug. She said once it dissolved on your tongue you would get IMMEDIATE relief. So I requested it my doctor obliged. It didn't work. So on the 4th or 5th visit I asked for an MRI. Dr. Wood said he couldn't authorize one unless the symptoms were really really bad. So I told him "With my family history I am afraid that my headaches are a symptom of something bigger and I just want to know for sure if I am actually being a hypochondriac." To which he replied, "No I don't think you are being a hypochondriac." Then he coached me through what to say to him so I could get an MRI. Dr. Wood is an awesome physician that listens to his patients. My Previous physician Dr.G ignored my concerns and blew them off. She did a whole battery of other tests but, not an MRI. Alas, there is no use in thinking "what if" All that matters is Snarla was discovered in time to save my life.
The surgery was almost an emergency Dr. Lang moved another patient to a different time slot so he could take care of me. I went to MD Anderson 1 week for the intake, They evaluated me and I guess I was farther along than I realized because like 4 days later I had an awake craniotomy. Those 4 days were FULL of tests and MRI's and seeing EXACTLY where the tumor sat (very near my motor cortex) They wanted to get it out as soon as they could so I would be able to function and live a "normal" life I guess they were worried. The day before the surgery I remember, I cried because they shaved the left side of my head and I had such beautiful hair. Seems silly now seeing as how my life could have ended that next day on the table. I just realized that I am not being a drama queen. That was some SERIOUS shit, I did not realize how serious it was until after it was over.
I remember how infuriating not being able to communicate was. My in laws were there trying to help me. I was so frustrated that I lashed out at anyone that tried to help me. Mike's parents got fed up and left and to this day I am sorry that I did not have any control over my impulses. I mean if it went through my head it came out of my mouth. That can be BAD, it was horrible. T my speech therapist helped me learn to speak again. I am eternally grateful to her, she is an angel among humans.
Also I took Mike for granted as well. I feel extra guilty about that because I treated him like dirt. He was doing everything in his power to make ME comfortable but I could not walk or write or talk so I was really terrified and my new husband took the brunt of my rage. But he took his vows seriously, marriage is not an institution to enter into lightly. I love Mike he is MY personal angel.
AJG
Being able to listen to what your body is trying to tell you will save your life. Don't worry if others call you a hypochondriac. My immediate family always told me I was a hypochondriac, then when I was diagnosed they said good thing it happened to you because we would have just thought nothing of it. Apparently they did not realize and to this day don't understand how painful it was. The tumor was ruining my life, my job, my love for my husband. Until it was taken out I felt apathetic about everything including my own wedding. I knew that was not right. A person should be happy about getting married. I had feelings about my wedding and I knew that I loved Michael with all my heart, but the fact that in a few weeks I felt apathetic about the wedding, well that's when I knew something was desperately wrong.
I know, I know, you have heard this story before but it is therapeutic to talk about it. It is so important to KNOW that some other human hears you and your story. Even if they get really sick of hearing it the patient needs to talk about their trauma. Cancer is trauma. Massive life altering trauma.
When I started to vomit at work my boss told me to go home. This happened multiple times until I was sure that I was going to be fired for faking it. I wasn't listening to my body. I would get a splitting headache in the morning, go to work, vomit, get sent home but, once at home I would feel better. (I later learned the headaches are usually worse in the morning and taper off through the day.) I went to training for my job and was in so much pain I could no longer hide it from people. Pat, the trainer saw that I was in horrendous pain and about to cry that she just excused and let me go home. I spoke to my boss because she got migraines as well so she advised me to ask for a certain drug. She said once it dissolved on your tongue you would get IMMEDIATE relief. So I requested it my doctor obliged. It didn't work. So on the 4th or 5th visit I asked for an MRI. Dr. Wood said he couldn't authorize one unless the symptoms were really really bad. So I told him "With my family history I am afraid that my headaches are a symptom of something bigger and I just want to know for sure if I am actually being a hypochondriac." To which he replied, "No I don't think you are being a hypochondriac." Then he coached me through what to say to him so I could get an MRI. Dr. Wood is an awesome physician that listens to his patients. My Previous physician Dr.G ignored my concerns and blew them off. She did a whole battery of other tests but, not an MRI. Alas, there is no use in thinking "what if" All that matters is Snarla was discovered in time to save my life.
The surgery was almost an emergency Dr. Lang moved another patient to a different time slot so he could take care of me. I went to MD Anderson 1 week for the intake, They evaluated me and I guess I was farther along than I realized because like 4 days later I had an awake craniotomy. Those 4 days were FULL of tests and MRI's and seeing EXACTLY where the tumor sat (very near my motor cortex) They wanted to get it out as soon as they could so I would be able to function and live a "normal" life I guess they were worried. The day before the surgery I remember, I cried because they shaved the left side of my head and I had such beautiful hair. Seems silly now seeing as how my life could have ended that next day on the table. I just realized that I am not being a drama queen. That was some SERIOUS shit, I did not realize how serious it was until after it was over.
I remember how infuriating not being able to communicate was. My in laws were there trying to help me. I was so frustrated that I lashed out at anyone that tried to help me. Mike's parents got fed up and left and to this day I am sorry that I did not have any control over my impulses. I mean if it went through my head it came out of my mouth. That can be BAD, it was horrible. T my speech therapist helped me learn to speak again. I am eternally grateful to her, she is an angel among humans.
Also I took Mike for granted as well. I feel extra guilty about that because I treated him like dirt. He was doing everything in his power to make ME comfortable but I could not walk or write or talk so I was really terrified and my new husband took the brunt of my rage. But he took his vows seriously, marriage is not an institution to enter into lightly. I love Mike he is MY personal angel.
AJG
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