So Mike and I talked it over and as my brain cools from the burning and is adjusting to the poison we speculate that I am at 70/100%
Dr N told me I was at 80%. but that was before the radiation. I get to have a neuropsych evaluation to see if (well I'll put it bluntly) I am brain damaged and deficient for life and what I need to work on as far as speech therapy, OT & PT.
Anyway I just can't get enough of that rabbits ..... filter.....
Paul told me to be friends with the nausea. Eat stuff that tastes just as good coming back up as it does goin down. He recommended gummy bears. Even though I haven't vomited I have heard that oral chemo in some ways makes you as sick if not sicker than IV chemo. Hell, IT'S POISON PEOPLE. Wouldn"t that be messed up if it didn't make you sick. That would mean its not working or you got a bad batch. Anyway my point is they are having me swallow a poison pill for 12 weeks of of the year. That is 60 doses.
Oh yeah one more thing you can absolutely look forward to after you have a craniotomy and have a titanium plate put in your head, YOU WILL HEAR RANDOM CLICKING FOR THE REST OF NATURAL LIFE.
So I am trying to come to terms that my life will NEVER be the same now that I am deficient. Mike lovingly said I had slowed down. Physically yes but my mind still goes fast. If my mind gets too far ahead of my mouth the words get jammed up in my throat and I stutter/splutter them out. This has produced a severe stutter like the one I had when I had the first seizures. ALso It is how I talked right after mom died. Went to speech therapy for that as well so Theresa could tell that i had training evn though I cannot remember it.
You're not deficient, you're simply different from how you were before. That can be said of all of us. I'm certainly not the same person I was when I was 25 (thank heavens for that!). Creaky bones, a crunched spine, and a really stiff neck these last two days... But I am who I have become, and I'm okay with that.
ReplyDeleteWhereas I have little in the way of artistic talent or inclinations, would I be deficient compared to you? I may type faster than you. Who's deficient?
Everyone is unique. You have aspects about you that are different -- even different from the 'you' from 12 months ago. You still have a whip-smart mind though, so you are certainly not deficient in any way I know of.
Keep working through the poison. It does you good even if you currently feel otherwise.
We're still thinking about you.
The Connecticut Crew.