Dealing with the loss of a loved one

     Unfortunately, I have alot of experience with this.  Most of them to Cancer.  The one thing that you need to remember is the person is out of pain and will never feel it again.  It is heartbreaking, but every cloud has a silver lining even if you can't see it because you are blinded by grief.  But rest assured it is there.  God doesn't give us more than we can handle, and if it is too much for us to bear he will put people we can lean on in those times to help us through the loss.  These can be in the form of friends, family, or even a stranger that says a kind word.  I remember I had people all around the country praying for me.  A church in Arkansas (I don't know even 1 person that has EVER lived there) sent me a quilt.  It was one of the bad days and the quilt really helped me.
     There are some things you should never say to person that is in the throes of grief.  The worst thing I have ever heard is when a woman suffered the loss of her baby to S.I.D.S some person said to her , "At least you hadn't gotten attached and you can replace her."  UGH How awful and uncaring and how bout NO TACT.  Just know that nothing you can say will ease their hurt. Above all THINK before you speak!!!  Grief is a natural process and it IS a process.  The stages are (not necessarily in this order) Anger, Denial, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.
     Death is taboo because it forces us to understand that we ourselves are mortal.  Different cultures have different rituals to honor the dead.  Learn about the culture before you try to say anything.  Find out what religion they are as well.  Even the most well meaning person can get snapped at if they say something at the wrong time.  If you don't know what to say Don't say anything at all.  Just be there for them, sometimes that is the most helpful thing you can do.  Just sit with them in silence. In general people are confused and scared to face the reality that the same fate awaits each and every one of us.  Everyone's' grief experience is different.

This blog is dedicated to the memory of Lori Brasington.  A tragic victim of cervical cancer.  Please pray for her family and friends to get through this horrible time of loss and pain.

This is a good song to listen to during the grieving process
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdGnQm43yHg

How I dealt with chemo and radiation

Hello all!!! HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!  We are just gearing up for our trip since we missed out on the honeymoon phase of our relationship.  We are flying to Barcelona for 2 days, then boarding a ship and sailing to Fla.  WOOHOO!!
     Anyhow, last night I was thinking about my actions and I was filled with DEEP regret.  With my brain surgery it destroyed my impulse control.  I hurt alot of people and for that I am sorry.  One of my deepest regrets is the fact that I called out a very private person that was so sweet to me during our time together.  I am still not over that I think about her almost everyday, I wonder how she is doing knowing full well that I will NEVER hear from her again and that depresses me.
    But regrets aside, I was asked last night how to deal with the effects of chemotherapy.  My chemo was oral and it was cake I had the same symptoms (Cause it is still poison) but they weren't nearly as severe.  But here is what I did.  REST REST REST, eat ANYTHING that will stay down, when you lose your sense of taste and smell (with radiation for me) get the yummiest thing out there for me it was Jamba Juice peanut butter chocolate shake.  If you start losing weight (very common) drink ensure it comes in many flavors and tastes like a homemade milkshake.  If I never see another ensure it will be too soon, but I they played a major part in keeping me alive.  By eat anything that will stay down, I mean anything, for me it was gummy bears (thanks Paul!!).
     Chemo and radiation play hell on your teeth I had to have 4 root canals (Thank God for dental insurance).  Dry mouth is a big pain as well, I found that Biotene works wonders.  It tastes like crap but it will keep your saliva going during the night.
    Also keeping protein up is a big thing protein bars (again worry about your life not your teeth).  There are vitamins and herbal supplements, I started drinking herbal tea, Jasmine tea with honey (I add an extra teaspoon of honey) It will help you sleep.
   Well have a great weekend!!! Hope this helps!!!
    

     It is normal to have sporadic symptoms when you are aware of an MRI coming up.  Last night I had a headache so bad that it woke me up.  I freaked and then thought logically about it.  It was just my stress about the upcoming MRI.  They have been good thusfar and I am confident it will be good again.  Especially since Mike and I are going on a 19 day vacation to make up for our having skipped the honeymoon phase of our marriage.

http://www2.mdanderson.org/cancerwise/2012/10/brain-cancer-couldnt-stop-me-from-dancing.html

Pictures

These are the before, after, and now photos.   Man when I was bald my nose looked HUGE or maybe it just the closeup.

It is alright

     I have been asked to recount my "Journey down the rabbit hole" for MD Anderson.  I knew I had forgotten important things, so I asked my family for what they remembered and thank god I did. All of this was blocked out because it was just to painful for my psyche to deal with. I poked the sleeping dog instead of letting it lie and now it is all coming back and allowing me to get closure.  Closure on the fact that it happened, I fought like hell and that is why I am still here.
   
     Never settle for a bad outcome.  Shop around until you find a doc that you love and trust enough to put your life in his or her hands because with all surgery, especially brain surgery they will have you life in their hand.  It is SO incredibly important for the journey to begin with trust and faith.

     Snarla was sneaky, when the docs first checked us (The team of Ange and Snarla) out their initial prognosis was that she was non-aggressive, but in a very bad spot.  I started listening to my body and kept on badgering while they symptoms got worse.  She was growing and I knew it.  None of my docs were incompetent, but they were mistaken about the tenacity of Snarla.
 
 Thats it for now.  I'll be back, you've been warned.
Toodles!

Remission

Alright, I know it has been a very long time since I posted.
Just wanted to let everyone know I am alright and thankfully in remission or so my radio-oncologist says.

The above is how I look now. That was taken on my 3rd wedding anniversary.  In 09 I was not sure I would have a 2nd anniversary much less a third.
     Cancer teaches us invaluable lessons that I now live by.  Don't procrastinate you never know when something bad is going to happen.  Live each day as if it is your last and laugh at the things that irritate you because you cannot change them.  Accept that some people will get tired of listening to you and tell you to stop talking about your experience.  Tell people how you feel about them and always end a conversation with the ones you love with "I love you" because we are all in the hands of God.
     I just recently had a good friend that told me to stop talking about it because it is not who I am.  I replied, "The cancer shaped me into who I am now.  So I will tell my story to anyone that will listen because I don't know what they are going through but, it may help them deal with their own problems.  It is like the butterfly effect."
 
   

The heartbreak of Betrayal

Hello,
     I know I haven't posted in a while.  I have nothing to say.  But a friend recently walked into my life. Reminding me of this.
As in cancer relationships have to be mourned as well.  Many many many times over again.  We all deal with grief in different ways but it always ends up the same.  YOU WILL BE FINE.  This I promise you.  Time heals all wounds.  The threat of a horrible possibly fatal disease, loss of a spouse, family member or the like.
     No matter how you feel about it you must go through the grief stages.  in not neccisarily this order. Anger, Deppression, Bargaining, Denial and finally ACCEPTANCE.  the last one you will feel and think you are done just as soon as something comes along and hits you like a tsunami.  You get knocked right back to the beginning again.  I believe this is normal.  I have had ALOT of loss in my life.  Too much for my 30 years.  But the great creator or whoever holds the strings on us will never give you more than you can handle and never ever lets you be totally alone to deal with the trauma.
    Without my sisters, husband, parents and extended family I would not have lived this long.  The emotional support they provide is invaluable.  When true friends and family are suffering they will never let you go,  just DO NOT GIVE UP!!!!  Again I am going to quote CV  "YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!  EVEN WHEN YOU THINK YOU CAN'T, YOU CAN"

  Just look around you and accept the help.  everyone needs a little (or alot) of help sometimes.  Be it physical like helping someone get dressed or emotional like helping someone get through a deep betrayal.